


Long-Time-Ago-Galaxy-Far-Far-Away Land

by luminousbeings



Category: Kingdom Hearts, Star Wars, Star Wars Original Trilogy
Genre: Bad Star Wars Puns, Crack, Gen, Princess Han Solo, should be a trigger warning, sora's terrible driving?, the crossover that shouldn't have, things that Disney
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-28
Updated: 2015-11-28
Packaged: 2018-05-03 21:16:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5307143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luminousbeings/pseuds/luminousbeings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You mean that big black humidifier dude was your DAD?" Sora yelled. "But you're a good guy, and he…well, no offense, but he totally looks like a bad guy." </p><p>This is most definitely the Star Wars/Kingdom Hearts crossover you're looking for, because kissing is always the answer in Disney. For everything. Yes, even carbon freeze. Yes, this makes perfect sense.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Long-Time-Ago-Galaxy-Far-Far-Away Land

**Author's Note:**

> Since Disney has taken over Star Wars, I figure it's only a matter of time until this little crossover happens. And I am ready, man. I am so ready.

Princess Leia Organa surveyed the smashed spacecraft with her distinct combination of concern and calm (specifically, 2% concern, 98% calm). "Son of a Sith," she cursed softly.

"Hey," Luke protested.

"—Not that there's anything wrong with being the son of a Sith, of course…"

Luke followed his sister's example and studied the debris of what must have once been a small, brightly painted ship, now pulverized into the ground from nose to tail. This wasn't a good landing, even by Han's standards. "You don't think this was some kind of new Imperial spy ship…" Luke began.

"In these retina-burning colors?"

Okay, maybe not.

Suddenly the debris started moving around slightly.  _"How – many – times – do I have to tell you_ not _to play Connect Four while you're driving?"_ The voice let out a furious bawl and suddenly a white, feathery head popped up from the rubble.

Another head popped up; this time a human boy with hair that made very little sense from Luke's (admittedly limited) understanding of Tatooine's gravitational pull. He was holding a small red token. "I was just about to win," he mumbled sadly.

"A-hyuck," said a third head, scattering a windshield wiper and some spare bits of engine as he emerged. He was the first to catch sight of Luke and Leia. "Well, hello there!"

Leia smiled her politician smile. "Hello. Got into a bit of a fender-bender I see."

"That's going to take a while to fix," said Luke.

The boy who, apparently, crashed the spacecraft and didn't seem too fazed by it stretched his arms and said, "'At's alright, the chipmunks are pretty fast."

 _Chipmunk. Strange name for a creature_ , Luke thought.

"I'm Sora, by the way," the boy with the gravity-defying hair said brightly, clambering over the wreckage with a smile way too sunny for someone who just crashed his spacecraft. "And these are my friends Donald and Goofy."

"I am Princess Leia Organa, and this is Luke Skywalker, the last of the Jedi Knights."

"Hello," said Luke, waving awkwardly.

"Princess?" Donald repeated. "You're this World's Princess?"

Immediately, Sora, Donald, and Goofy moved closer to circle the Princess, eyeing her critically, while Leia stared back at them, nonplussed.

"…But she looks fine," said Sora at last, voicing what seemed to be the confusion of all three of them.

"Definitely not unconscious," added Goofy.

Donald turned to Princess Leia. "Are there any other princesses on this world? Any that may have fallen into a deep sleep recently?"

Leia looked bemused. "Not that I know of."

"I definitely feel something though…" Sora said, almost to himself.

Luke's ears perked at that. "Something in the Force?"

"If by Force you mean my awesome key-sword that points me to important stuff, then yeah!"

It wasn't the Force. But these guests were certainly, um. Interesting, at the very least. And they seemed harmless enough.

"Why don't you come in?" Luke offered, gesturing to Obi-Wan's hut.

"Cool!" said Sora.

Luke led the way inside the dusty hovel. Sora, Donald, and Goofy followed, looking around curiously at the decrepit, sandy hut, equipped with only the barest, most archaic of essentials and, incongruously, the latest holoprojector (used mainly by Leia). Donald sneezed.

"So. Nice…sand you got here," said Sora.

Thankfully they were saved from that fascinating topic of conversation by the holoprojector screen blinking on without any request to be seen by the message receiver. Which meant there was exactly one person who could be at the other end of that line…

"Stay quiet!" Luke hissed, pushing Leia, Sora, Donald, and Goofy out of the purview of the holocam. A face appeared on the screen.

"Son," said Darth Vader.

"Father," said Luke.

Luke saw Sora's jaw drop.

"Did you receive the package?" Vader asked.

There was a short, resentful pause. "Yes," said Luke sullenly.

"Have you been using it?"

There was a longer pause. Luke scuffed at the floor with his boot.

Vader leaned in closer and said angrily, "That was a very expensive custom vest, L—Commander Skywalker. It has laser-proof padding, a built-in parachute, temperature control, a pocket for food and medical supplies, a spare power generator, an emergency comlink to my private line..."

Luke was digging a small trench in the sand with his scuffing.

"…And an inflatable life jacket."

Luke folded his arms. "Which will be really useful when people are trying to kill me with lightsabers."

"People are not trying to kill you with a lightsabers," Vader said impatiently. "They are trying to injure you with lightsabers. And they wouldn't even be doing that, if only you would end this childish stubbornness and join me—"

Luke rolled his eyes.

"Don't you roll your eyes at me, young man," Vader said sternly.

"Or what?" said Luke. "You'll cut my other hand off?"

"Maybe," Vader retorted, presumably trying to sound menacing but just sounding crabby.

"I'm not wearing a vest bought with the blood of innocents!" Luke pulled at his hair. "Why do you even care anyway?"

"I don't want the Emperor's prize damaged," Vader said, almost defensively.

"I won't be damaged, Father," Luke sighed.

"Your latest mission would suggest otherwise. Although, you're right – it would be extremely paranoid to consider a series of collapsing fulonium mines  _dangerous_."

"That was different. It was for a good cause," he mumbled.

Vader made a sound that might have been an electronic snort. "So eager to be blown up for the sake of your Rebellion."

" _Father_ ," Luke said, the teenage sulkiness creeping into his voice, "I am old enough to fly around where I want, when I want!"

Goofy leaned over and stage-whispered, "Sounds a lot like Maxie 'n me, huh Donald?"

"Who is that voice in the background?"

"Just a friend," said Luke quickly.

"Which  _friend_?"

"Just some random, nameless friends, Dad, oh – oh no, connection's breaking up –  _tta – ll yo – b'ck s_ —well, bye!" He quickly pressed the call end button and breathed a sigh of relief.

"That big black humidifier guy was your  _dad?"_  Sora yelled. "But you're a good guy, and he…well, no offense, but he totally looks like a bad guy."

"Sounds like you an' your old man don't get along much," said Goofy, as if imparting some gem of deepest insight.

"Did he really cut your hand off?" Sora asked, more awed than horrified.

He held up the prosthetic hand in answer. Sora, Donald, and Goofy  _ooohed_  in appreciation.

"That looks like it hurt," Sora observed.

"Like getting your finger caught in a door," said Luke – everyone in the room visibly flinched – "but fifty billion times worse."

Sora rubbed his right wrist uneasily.

"Yeah. Sorry for pushing you out of the way of the holocam. Last time he heard about me having a friend, he had him frozen. My friend Captain Han Solo's been in a deep sleep for six months now."

"Have you tried kissing him?" Sora suggested.

If one listened very, very closely, one could hear the sound of Luke's brain screeching to an abrupt halt. "Have I tried – what."

"Well, there are a lot of types of enchanted slumbers," said Donald, stepping forward as the resident magician. "Many of them can be broken by true love's kiss."

"True love's – what."

"There are stronger enchantments that won't be broken so easily, like the sleep that the Princesses we told you about are under, but true love's kiss is always a good start."

"I think Luke's gone catatonic," said Leia conversationally.

"Wait. So, you mean, this Mister Captain Han—"

"Solo isn't a description of his character," Leia corrected with the sort of patience that meant you were being very stupid. "It's his name."

"Sorry," said Goofy. "So this Captain Mister Solo" – Leia sighed – "is in a deep sleep that nobody can wake him from? That means… He's gotta be the Princess, right?"

"Seems like it," said Donald. The requirements for this Princess position didn't seem to be a very rigorous.

"Where is he?" Sora asked eagerly, practically bouncing with anticipation.

Leia frowned. "It's near-impossible to get to him. He's being guarded by Jabba the Hutt."

Sora frowned too, but for a different reason. "Who's that? Is he a Heartless?"

"Sounds like a Heartless," said Donald.

"Maybe 'Hutt' is short for 'Hu(r)tt-less,'" said Goofy. "A-hyuck."

"I'm not sure if I've ever seen a Heartless," Luke said, finally coming out of his own trance. "So it's hard to say whether Jabba is one. But he's definitely a nasty guy."

"Good enough for us!" said Goofy cheerfully.

"Don't worry," Sora said, bouncing a little as he hefted his keyblade over his shoulder and gave them a dazzling smile. "We'll definitely save your Princess!"

And with that they ran out of Obi-Wan's hut, saying something about a save point and the "first time we've got a dude princess".

"I have a bad feeling about this," Luke and Leia muttered in unison. Then: "Heyyy,  _twins_!"


End file.
